FARZANA FATEMA (RUMI)
Whenever we find ourselves in a predicament, we start looking for a quick solution. We seek help from whoever we can- be it a near one or a stranger. At the same time we keep thinking whether we’re doing it right or making new mistakes! As soon as we hear that someone is in trouble, we start dissecting, in an effort to find out who was actually to blame? As if being in trouble or having a problem is a crime!
Many of us say, “What’s the use of thinking so much; whatever happens will happen.” Later, if the outcome is not in our favour, then we regret “why didn’t I put more thought into it then!” Watching someone succeed, we say, “If only I were as lucky as that guy!” But have we ever wondered what is the secret behind this success?
What is a problem? A problem is a situation that prevents us from achieving something. If there is a problem, it is necessary to find a solution. We face many challenges in our lives. Common life problems or crises such as relationship management problems, divorce, trauma, illness, health problems, parenting problems, grief, death, unemployment, financial insecurity, problems at work, physical disability, loss and fighting for self-esteem or even to adapt to an unknown future.
Usually when people face problems, they have a tendency to do three things:
- Feeling scared or uncomfortable and hoping that it will go away quickly on its own
- Think they have to come up with a solution and it has to be right
- Finds someone to blame
What we usually do to solve problems is we want to solve them very quickly. We keep saying, “What do I do now?” We forget that “solution” is the last step in a process and we want to get it first.
So the answer to what I will do right now may be “I’ll keep myself calm in the first place.”
The human brain is well equipped to solve any complex problem or situation that we have never dealt with before. According to researchers, this is a skill that sets humans apart from other animals. The “striatum”, a part of the “basal ganglia”, situated in the brain’s internal core, works in decision making. The “prefrontal cortex” near the front of the brain solves complex problems along with other problems, works even when we don’t consciously think about our problems. The “frontal lobe” coordinates physical movement, limb function; higher cognitive skills, such as problem solving, thinking, planning and managing, works on personality and emotional aspects.
Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges–
- Sleep at night: Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep enhances creative processing directly in the brain. Encourages affiliate networks. Creates new and useful connections in the brain that occur when you wake up. So a peaceful night’s sleep plays a role in our decision making.
- Accepting life perfectly
Often we move away from life. We must bring ourselves to face reality. What was once difficult, what may have frightened us may now be the strength for us. Experiences make us more confident, stronger. Freedom of life is good with bad, wonder with hardship, love with pain and life with death! When we accept all these things, life is enjoyable for us. When we surrender to reality, we can equip ourselves with the highest opportunity.
- Taking time
We all know the story of the tortoise and the rabbit. The tortoise won the race slowly and steadily. In a hurry, we actually move further away from success. We make more mistakes when looking for easy and shortcut ways. As the old saying goes, “Slow & steady wins the race.” This kind of approach is the best way to lead to lasting change.
- Practice gratitude
The number of problems are actually less than the blessings in our lives, aren’t they?How grateful we really are for the endless blessings of our lives? We talk about the problems again and again. Changes in attitudes can make a huge difference in one’s life. Finding good and accepting it with gratitude is a magical way to mental well-being.
- Stay with all the feelings (even the painful ones)
Often we find our feelings scary, heavy, and confusing. But we need feelings to find contentment, money, and happiness in life. Getting rid of feelings is not only a backfire, it also removes us from our psychological power. Feelings are the gas in the engine of our personality, a source of inspiration. These are energy, vitality, the juice of life. Without these we will have no personality, dimension or color in life. There will be no joy, creativity, or fun. None of us are anything but our feelings.
- Accepting success and failure as part of life’s journey: We are all learning – being empathetic, the process of life – trying, succeeding, failing and trying again is the only way to gain lasting self-confidence. We learn through experience where we can be both successful and unsuccessful. But life always needs the help and support of others.
- Valuing the bonds of the relationship: Relationships are not made by magic overnight. They grow & sustain through care, attention & hardwork. Marriage, family or friendship are continuous & live experiences. You have to earn it bit by bit everyday, which requires commitment. Crossing distances & respecting boundaries is a daily process. We have to accept the fact that sometimes we’ll hurt each other. There’s no avoiding it. We can only repair, try to correct & dedicate ourselves. Taking responsibility for our own mistakes, apologize. Learn how to forgive & seek forgiveness. And that is the bond of relationship.
While facing a problem, we can not be sure what is the best solution and it varies from person to person. We do not like to deal with conflict. Here are some steps that can be followed when looking for a solution:
- Problem identification: It is easier to identify the real problem if you have a clear idea of what the main problem is.Often we are busy with the problems around not focusing on the main issue. What we don’t understand is that there is a lot of relief if the main problem is solved.
- Avoid pointless discussions: Different people have different opinions. So the problem can be talked about with a sympathetic and positive person. At the same time, accepting everyone’s opinion can create more new conflicts.
- Alternative Solution: Possible alternative solutions need to be listed. It is better to evaluate and analyze each method separately. The person involved in the means, the place or the source of funding needs to be identified.
- Advantages and disadvantages: We have to think about the advantages and disadvantages of each alternative solution. We need to think about what might be the best way and why it is the best. Of course, the way where the difficulty is less should be given priority.
- Written Documentation: It is better not to rely on memory all the time. If the details and effects of the methods are in written form, it will be useful to make a thoughtful decision. It can also be used in any future plans.
- If you fail, you have to think again: Planning may not always get us to the solution. In that case we have to go back to the first step. Emergencies need to be monitored and evaluated. If you have trouble choosing an alternative, think again about the advantages and disadvantages.
- Deadline: Don’t sit idly by with problems. The solution plan needs to be set a deadline. Depending on the type of problem, it may be a day, a month, ten years or more.
Ultimately people are innate problem solvers. Problems and conflicts happen almost always in life. The biggest challenge is overcoming the tendency to solve immediately. Therefore, it is important to have the mentality to take the advice of a psychologist and psychiatrist if necessary. But there will be some problems that have no solution, better to move forward instead of clinging on to it; And that may be the secret to success.